Jesus vs. JBJ

So....the eternal question has finally arisen. The question everyone from Eli Manning to Bono to Dean Martin's corpse have been asking. A brilliant and hilarious new friend took the time to point out that "Eddie Izzard gets top billing" over both of these guys (much to my glaring chagrin), but I figured I would throw the conundrum to the people.

WHO WOULD WIN IF JESUS AND JON BON JOVI GOT INTO A FIGHT???
Here's the breakdown:

• Jesus has the whole eternal life thing going on

• But JBJ would tear it up with his guitar. Maybe Richie would even lend him his 12 string

• But Jesus has a beard

• But JBJ had all that hair before, I'm positive he could summon up their magic somehow.

• But can JBJ feed thousands of people with just 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish? I dont think so!

• But Jesus never had a pork roll sandwich. Take that!

• There's that whole millions of disciples thing Jesus has going for him

• Umm... in how many languages can you say 120+ millions records sold??

• But Jesus has a holiday (several, actually) completely dedicated to him

• JBJ owns an (arena) football team. And they can build houses!

• Jesus gets all the ladies...Mary Magdalene, and that resurrected guy's sister

• HEY! Have you seen those eyes on JBJ??!! Total chick magnets

• Jesus can raise you from the dead

• Lovely things happen when JBJ turns around

• Jesus can walk on water

• JBJ can dance his cute little ass off!

So, as you can see, this isn't just something you can decide on your own. It takes months, even years of research to decide these things. You can probably tell which camp I'm in...let's face it, the whole robe-and-sandals thing does nothing to show off one's sixpack. Tight tees that are ripped at the shoulder, however, do wonders for the eyes. Nevertheless, I will let the American public decide for itself. Hey, its gotta be easier than that other election we had recently, right?