Unpleasant Incidents--Excerpt 2

This scene, between the mother, Cecilia, and the daughter, Julia, is centered on the fact that Cecilia doesn't approve of Julia's fiance Simon. Several problems ensue

Cecilia: Julia, darling…you and Simon have been getting awfully chummy lately
Julia: Why I’m shocked you notice anything beyond your own reflection.
Cecilia: [opening compact mirror and examining face] I’m trying to be serious, Julia. Now it’s impossible not to notice how much time the two of you have been spending together, and I have to speak to you before this goes any further. Now Simon is certainly very charming, but he is not at all the son-in-law I should have hoped for -
Julia: I don’t think I asked for your opinion.
Cecelia: He was sent down from Oxford for indecent behaviour, his parties (orgies, I would call them) are notorious for their debauchery, and he is never out of the papers because of some scandal. In short, he is irresponsible, profligate, unreliable, and utterly, utterly depraved
Julia: I know! Could he BE more attractive! I’ve never met anyone more wicked in my life.
Cecelia: If you marry him, you’ll be miserable.
Julia: I don’t see why your feelings matter, since I’m the one who’s going to be married to him. Simon and I love each other and we don’t care what the rest of you think!
Cecilia: Julia, please…there’s something else
Julia: Nothing you can say could make me change my mind.
Cecilia: Just listen to me. There’s something I haven’t told you.
Julia: What now, Mummy?
Cecilia: [brief pause] Well I suppose I ought to start at I’d better start at the beginning…I’m sure it won’t surprise you to know that when I came out I was one of the most beautiful girls of the season. I was so young, really no older than you are now, so naïve and romantic, I was really bound to fall in love with someone. I met him at a ball at Lady Willoughby’s. Our eyes met across the room, he asked me to dance. What can I say?
Julia: What on earth does this ancient history have to do with Simon?
Cecelia: [with great relish] And suddenly we were madly in love, and I dare say we were rather (cough) rash, but it was such a heady and intoxicating time, it was hardly our fault. Well it soon became evident that an unpleasant development would require us to marry, but he was already engaged to someone else and we didn’t want any scandal. Luckily, Matthew was handy, he had always loved me and it was easy to get him to propose…we had a whirlwind wedding and when you were born, no one was ever the wiser…Matthew could never count anyway
Julia: Are you telling me that Papa isn’t…that I’m not…
Cecilia: Well the man I fell in love with was Lord Schofield…
Julia: [face registers a variety of expressions, ranging from shock to confusion to comprehension] WHAT?!
Cecilia: [concluding triumphantly]…Which makes Simon your brother! Now I’m not always opposed to a bit of incest, think of Lord Byron you know, but I think marriage is just taking it too far.
Cecelia smiles complacently, floats out of the room. Julia remains on the sofa, sobbing
Simon enters
Simon: Hello, old thing. [Notices her crying] I say, darling, what’s the matter?
Julia: [incomprehensible mumblings]
Simon: Come on dear, cheer up. You just need a drink. [gets up, pours drink, returns]. Now what on earth is the matter?
Julia: [still sobbing] No, no drinks…. that’s how this all started
Simon: How…what…started…? Did someone tell you about Alastair and the…
Julia: [blank stare]
Simon: Oh, obviously not. No never mind that. This clearly has nothing to do with me…or with…Alist… er where did we arrive on the drink situation?
Julia: No, no no. Simon…. [long pause] mummy…your father…they had…affair…he’s my real father…we’re brother and sister [dissolves into sobs again].
Simon: Siblings…I could get into that.
Julia: [stops crying, stares] WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? [begins to hit him with book]. Mummy’s right, you are depraved! I never want to see or speak to you again!
Simon: Really darling, there’s no need to resort to violence. I mean, honestly, what are you so worried about? A few good deformities never hurt anyone.